i dream in color

evening dance

2009-05-30T23:00:00.000-07:00

the Night a graceful dancer;
the sky her crystal ballroom.
the Day she dips,
down to the horizon,
and the sunset is their tango

her fingers reach to cool the ground
but not the heart of a summer reveler

you make me forget my name

2009-02-14T19:46:00.000-08:00

you disarm me...
unhinge me,
the "oneness"
infringing

you make me forget my name

your nearness
is warm breath,
gentleness,
open eyes,
a soft kiss.

you make me forget my name

the window holds your silhouette
enframed by the sun's last rays
my heart does a leap, then a pirouette
and then becomes ablaze.

you make me forget my name

2009-01-09T17:31:00.000-08:00

adrift,
weightless,
sore.
did you cut me loose,
or did i?
fragile,
still failing,
i go.
are these my tears,
or did you really cry?

my iron axhead

2008-12-28T10:42:00.000-08:00

is lying at the bottom of that river

covered by the minute with silt and sand

my mustard-seed-sized-hope

flickers dimly through layers

but that doesn't mean its not there.

You made the sea part/the dead rise/the blind see/the lame walk.

please

make my axhead float

II Kings 6:5-7

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2%20Kings%206:5-7;&version=72;

...and that one-horse open sleigh

2008-12-05T19:48:00.000-08:00

there's a small-town smile,
a gift from a stranger
a bell jingle on the door handle,
and a baby in the manger.

maybe there's no snow,
maybe there's no presents,
maybe you're working overtime
and debt is the season's essence.

but bigger than the Christmas tree
in the center of the city,
and bigger still than the lump you feel
as you swallow back self-pity...

is the Hope that grows
like nobody knows
Because of the baby named
Jesus.

2008-11-15T19:34:00.000-08:00

Perseverance when observed in action,
Elicits from us inspired
Responses, which are
Strong
Enough to
Void
Earlier
Regrettable
Attitudes, and
Nudge laziness aside as we set out to
Conquer our great
Enemy: Self.

on this side of Heaven

2008-10-31T18:14:00.000-07:00

sitting up, spitting up
learning how to stand.
saying words you've always just heard,
that now you understand.

sleepovers, and pillowfights,
discovering your dreams...
learning how to ride a bike
and playing on softball teams

first love, first kiss
first time you say goodbye
first chance to make right what's wrong
first time you selflessly cry.

may you be all He ever dreamed you'd be

on this side of Heaven

autumnal

2008-10-10T20:30:00.000-07:00

there's a rush of crisp fall wind outside my window

scolding the ears and nose

there's a leaf turning gold on the closest tree

curling up like the petal on a rose

there's a gilded blanket hiding in all the shadow'd corners

as Frost begins to paint them

there's a crisp fall apple all cut up for some child's lunch

ripened to the colour of a gem

anticipation

holidays

laughter that fogs up the air

warm coats

sunday dinners

and friends that show you they care

even the rain seems happier in October

maybe because it knows

it wont be long

before it

snows

He's a crazy man

2008-09-08T10:26:00.000-07:00

i don't think i would have joined the crowd following you in the dusty street;

it would have been too impulsive and irresponsible.

i don't think i would have listened to you teaching on the hill;

because everyone who's anyone said you were a renegade.

i don't think i would have felt more than pity at your death;

because after all, you were a crazy rule-breaker...an itinerant prophet gone off the deep end.

i don't think i would have wanted to be seen in your company;

because you spent too much time with sinners.

i definitely don't think i would have believed the stories of how you conquered death,

because...that's just preposterous and ridiculous.

i think i would have been scandalized to hear of you letting a prostitute wash your feet with her long silky hair.

i would have found you too harsh for the way you treated the priests and pharisees.

i would have thought you irresponsible the time you allowed that herd of pigs to run into the sea.

i would have called you a show-off for walking on the water or coming to Lazarus's rescue only after you were sure he was dead.

when did i get so caught up in "bad company corrupts good manners", and "no appearance of evil" that i became less like you. when did i become so "decent" and "practical" that i forgot how to be impulsive and simple in my Faith?

_______________ is the great equalizer

2008-09-05T22:32:00.000-07:00

nothing more to say than this:

if what i did today is all i ever do, was it enough?

if i never make more out of life than what i made of it today, can i look back at the end of the road and call it good?

i'm not looking for Fantastic or Thrilling, just trying to stay out of Ordinary.

storm time

2008-08-19T19:56:00.000-07:00

The air fragmented and still

The wind playing games in the trees of another town

The clouds lying in vast repose...taunting the trees/sidewalks/houses/fields below

The rain (still young enough to be timid)=touching the leaves of the blackberry bush with tender curiosity

The horizon adorned with pearly greys, pinks and blues

The sun setting and taking all the finery of day to his palace on the other side

The child watching from a bedroom window...stands like a conductor, waiting for the music to begin.

baby eyes

2008-08-15T18:43:00.000-07:00

in the reflection of your eyes i see Heaven.

perhaps a memory, perhaps a promise,

perhaps an invitation to come and dance

Tonight...your dance card is full

2008-08-05T11:18:00.000-07:00

not too long from tomorrow
we'll be waving from the other shore.
watching you walk...safely to the other side.
so happy to see you go...
so sad to watch you leave.

not too long from tomorrow
you'll be a bright-eyed girl with glossy black hair
running with abandon to the other side of the divide.
say hi to everyone for me.
say hi to Grandpa, kiss your mother and father, rock my first baby to sleep.

not too long from tomorrow
He'll be walking you home...for the last time.
in the twilight, in the dusk; up the last hill you'll ever have to climb--the hand of our Christ is steadying your final steps.

not too long from tomorrow
we promise not to cry too long. Since there is no more crying where you are, we promise not to cry too long.

mettle

2008-08-04T12:10:00.000-07:00

i am solid all the way thru
not thin enough for the rain to rust me till i fall
just a taste of metal in my mouth reminds me i can still trip
oh Mr Tinman, you know my predicament...

lesson

2008-07-08T13:23:00.000-07:00

over my shoulder in the direction of the horizon
lies the road that i've travelled.
i see all my footsteps behind me
poignant reminders of my mistakes.
my past paves the way for my future
as i watch those same muddled footprints
straightened out in front of me.

us

2008-06-25T08:57:00.000-07:00

you and i

you and me

us and we

bringing our two sides face to face

confronting our humanity and awkward youth

blazing a path for our feet with the fervor of hope

you can see

i can hear

we can feel

the relentless tide of tomorrow

threatening to undo our willpower

and yet we are stronger still

together

wandering into...

2008-06-16T13:10:00.000-07:00

Do not just call me Folly, for I am very wise;

these wares that I now sell to you are my beautifuly crafted lies.

Both rich and poor, wise and fools--my clientel is vast

all begging to be the one to help cut their anchor before it is cast.

I speak in the words of the scoffer and the scholar

and make reason to both children and men.

I tell them that nothing is true or false,

and they then take up their pen.

I entreat to no one, yet many retreat to me--

for there is no better lie than the one you cannot see.

walk this way

2008-06-06T11:21:00.000-07:00

There is a road for which I was made to walk
It is a Holy highway with sure places for my feet
There I will be safe; for no one with an evil heart can step onto it...
there will be no one waiting by the side or around the corner to trap or injur me.
Only the redeemed can walk here, and although a fool--
i can never fear of losing my way.
When i walk on this road all my sorrow and heartache turns like shadow and flees away.
(Isa. 35:8-10)

written 07/06/07

at the end...

2008-05-28T12:05:00.001-07:00

where will you be when the sun shines free; where the moon and the stars never cease?

what will you see on the dawn of that never-ending day?

who will be holding your hand when you take the last steps to your destination?

will you mourn now for what is to be lost, or will you wait to see if its as sad a parting as they say? Don't let me cry for you with reason; don't let me mourn the imminence of the thoughts of your heart.

you are like a sailor lost at sea...throwing out the virginal cords of your heart for anyone to catch and pull you in. Be careful, those singing sirens are not as good as they are beautiful, and eventually they will pull you down to their home at the bottom of the sea. If Wisdom is a woman, so is Folly, and only Folly has made it her art to know your Achilles heel and paint her chameleon face for you--she has even been bold enough to take Wisdom's name.

Stop your ears if you must, point your face straight ahead: this road is not forever...just hang on a little longer.

blank space

2008-05-07T09:33:00.000-07:00

there is a forgotten longing; a secret hope.

i am waiting for an encounter.

i see its preamble through glimpses out the corner of my minds eye.

the soul of humanity waits as one.

no matter how dissonant our other cries may be

we all sing the same plea

while waiting for an encounter

He keeps my feet not to stumble

2008-04-23T09:54:00.000-07:00

this is not a cosmic game of cat and mouse,

i have not been thown here like a prisoner into a gladiators' pit.

God didn't send me here to see if by chance i would ever make it back;

He keeps my feet not to stumble

i do not wish to be my yesterday

2008-04-14T22:24:00.000-07:00

I do not live from glory to glory;
I live from hindsight to failure.

I do not leap from mountaintop to mountaintop;
I walk in the valleys--trying to skirt the shadows.

I am sometimes always tired and always bored...
I am a frustration that strives to contradict my nature.

Slow Journey to Lostness

2008-04-14T22:10:00.000-07:00

This train stops for anyone...

the melancholy tragedy that is the sound of the rumble on the tracks,
tolls your song but only because you're paying for it.

i guess i heard that they don't advertise the destination--the pleasure is only in the journey.

the conductor is a sleepwalker, and he doesn't come by to take your ticket...don't even care if you got one.

the slow journey to Lostness. i guess the scenery must be nice. i heard there's never a dull moment...never a lost chance to revel.

don't waste your pity...don't waste your breath.

my coma facade

2008-03-15T11:43:00.000-07:00

sleeping as the world goes by
dreamer
it is not you that sleeps but i

floating on a sea of glass
dreamer;
i am watching the unused minutes pass

perhaps for them you bear no burden
dreamer,
but i hold a need to ask for pardon

if you are sleeping because you must
dreamer--
and i sit here waiting for Time to rust

maybe it is time to awake and run
dreamer,
and rise to greet the morning sun

a thousand points of light...

2008-03-02T13:19:00.000-08:00

green and gold--the colors rush past

just a blur outside my window.

i'm travelling into tomorrow

just as fast as i can

one foot on the gas,

and the other on the brake.

i wish i knew this inside

2008-02-24T17:43:00.000-08:00

faithfulness--not success.
one is for you--the other is for me

at the end of the day, all i need is to be able to look back and see that the road i've traveled has been long and straight and unfaltering--not glorious and amazing and...successful.

success is simply a name i assign to prowess and glory--both of which are just dusty cobwebs...blowing in the wind

tomorrow

2008-02-23T10:39:00.000-08:00

summertime is hiding;
underneath an old brown leaf...leftovers of autumns glory.
almost forgotten.

drink offering

2008-02-13T06:07:00.001-08:00

i am oil poured out in the desert
i am a mountain no one will ever think to climb
i am a wildflower...hiding in the middle of a million fields
if all i ever do is make you smile once--its enough for me.

i am a single blade of grass--unknown and unseen--revealing the glory of God to no one but the sky.

if all i ever do is make you smile...once
it is more than enough for me.

i dont know me, but i know you

2008-02-06T08:46:00.000-08:00

today i discovered a piece of God
lying on the floor of my closet.
it looked familiar and i felt guilty...
watching it lie on the ground.

today i found an uncharted island
through the lense of my telescope.
then i realized that the tattered flag flying...
was one that i'd planted years ago.

today i broke a glass cup
and watched it shatter into a million.
i saw my reflection in every shard...
and knew i'd never seen it before.

introspect

2008-01-28T06:38:00.000-08:00

wandering through my sleeping mind i found a draconian lair,
selfishness is the only thing thats found to be hiding there.
morbidly fascinated, i stepped inside the room,
and found a mirror on every wall with the power to consume.
every good and thoughtfull thing i thought i'd ever done,
was a battle for my motives, and selfishness had won.

yes, i made it all up

2008-01-18T19:09:00.000-08:00

not much to me

2008-01-16T13:16:00.000-08:00

i am a shadow.
so transparent even the wind is not changed
in its course across the face of the earth.

i am frail.
if i had nothing left but myself to believe in,
then i would be nothing at all.

i am naked.
and nobody can tell.

i am a stick figure--
a paper doll. even my thoughts are one-dimensional.

i am a person.
when i shout in the silence and no one hears me, did i really shout at all?

...

2007-12-30T19:15:00.000-08:00

in view of His mercy;
i am not on my knees--
walking for miles
in pennance to please.

"Your King Comes to You" (Zechariah 9:9)

2007-12-24T08:08:00.000-08:00

On the first Christmas morning,
the tears of God were shed.
Watching with excitement,
His eyes were misty and red.
He saw a perfect baby--His own perfect Son,
and He knew that this baby would be the only One.

He watched that little baby with perfect baby breath...those little curls of hair...brown eyes closed in rest--
and He knew that through this baby, all nations would be blessed.

God watched the sleeping child and a tear rolled down His cheek--
the Savior of the world was his first born son.
The sins of all the people He would carry on His shoulders,
He would go down to the grave and victory would be won

"listen to the angels' song,
they tell of a great debut
today with power and humility,
your King comes to you."

because i'm proud to be an american

2007-12-20T16:34:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDUQW8LUMs8

snowflakes

2007-12-09T16:56:00.001-08:00

floating softly in the sky....
resting gently on the ground.
borne on the wish of a childs' sigh--
snowflakes fall and hope resounds

God reaching to touch the earth...
one perfect snowflake at a time.

summertime.....

2007-12-09T16:54:00.000-08:00

and the livin' is easy

Awaken the lazuras

2007-11-14T17:14:00.000-08:00

shake the grave clothes out in the wind,
strike a match and peer about.
step away from the broken sin
and open your lungs for a mighty shout

its time to wake the lazuras within.

just enough space to hide a candle...

2007-11-10T07:42:00.000-08:00

Go, bury your dead

2007-11-03T14:39:00.000-07:00

everyone has a skeleton in their closet.
everyone holds a dead man down in the dark.
everyone has a hidden wound,
and everyone has cried a forsaken tear.

neighbors and brothers,
sisters and friends
holding secrets that break hearts and whose shadows only breed dread.

go, bury your dead.
turn on the closet light.
have a bonfire, its Guy Fawkes Day!

http://www.answers.com/topic/guy-fawkes-day

she's waiting...

2007-10-21T16:13:00.000-07:00

Bitterness is a lonely wolf,
waiting in the shadows.
hungrily she waits
and watches your every move.

When the time is right, she'll slink right up behind you
and walk so very close.
eventually...
no one will know
which one is you, and which one is the wolf.

Bitterness is a great listener, so tell her how you feel.
She'll nod empathetically
while planning her next kill.

Bitterness is a wolf waiting for your call.
slinking in the shadows--she's plotting for your fall.

let me rock your boat.

2007-10-14T19:18:00.000-07:00

sharpen my countenance
like iron striking iron; chips away at brittle imperfections.
trust binds together
at first like an uneasy fate and later with lasting hold.
stay with me and help me and i will walk by your side.
we will hold each other up and catch each other's falls.
sharpening the countenance of the other.

like jacobs' hip

2007-10-07T13:27:00.000-07:00

i'm gun-shy of God
i am Jacob's hip.
i'm strong enough to strive
and shaky enough to slip.
i'm gun-shy of God.
gun-shy of getting shattered at the whim of God.

to see the back of God

2007-09-09T11:15:00.000-07:00

Then Moses said, "Now show me your glory."

And the Lord said, "I will cause all my goodnes to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, The Lord, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion.

But," He said, "You connot see my face, for no one may see me and live."

Then the Lord said, "There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. When my glory passes by I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen."

Exodus 33:18-23

Oh to see the back of God...

just a glimpse of your glory as you pass by my way;

just to see your reflection in the foreground.

just to stand between your power with fire on one side and water on the other.

just to be forever filled by one glimpse of you passing.

Oh to see the back of God.

i wish it was raining

2007-08-30T14:35:00.000-07:00

memories fragrant with last summers' wine and flowers.
leaves changing their colors and dancing an ode to time.
a violin singing sweetly in the soundtrack of yesterday: Itzhak Perlman playing "The Chairman's Waltz".
every note resonates my soul...the trembling voice of the violin wanders down the halls of my heart and makes its home in my deepest and saddest places without making me any sadder.

travel

2007-08-26T15:18:00.000-07:00

i heard the midnight train go by
while lying in my bed
long and low was the whistle cry
and i awoke as if i were led

quietly i slipped outside,
and headed down the hill.
the pale moon was trying to hide
and the noise of the crickets was shrill.

the tracks were cold and my feet were wet
the dew on the grass had fallen.
cold and splinters wont stop me yet
'cause around the bend is callin'.

perplex

2007-08-21T10:55:00.001-07:00

somebody else is writing my songs,
somebody else is singing my words,
'cause somebody else thought of them first.
its like somebody else's blood pumping in somebody else's heart,
and somebody else is writing my songs.

"I remember you from Heaven"

2007-08-12T19:32:00.000-07:00

said she in her heart when she met him.

"I already know your laugh--i feel it echo deep within the chambers of my heart--stirring long forgotten love and bringing dormant thoughts to life."

and they lived happily ever after....

2007-07-15T11:32:00.000-07:00

the smell of sweet grass drying in the sun
heat rising up from the ground
clouds light and soft out on the horizon
time passing slowly without a sound

i miss you

2007-07-04T16:43:00.000-07:00

chocolate and codeine...
lilacs and nicotine.
wandering fingers on a keyboard made for string
dialing...hoping, to hear a voice answering.

there's nothing quite like the subtle fog of loneliness...
creeping up like a soft gesture around the curves of the horizon.

i miss when you're not near me....

grey layers

2007-06-30T16:08:00.000-07:00

He captures all my tears in a jar;
holds it safe and treasures it.
my tears are like precious stones to Him--
little droplets of my soul
(Ps.56:8)

pathway

2007-06-17T12:04:00.000-07:00

all truly beautiful things are made in pain and heartbreak
this is the way things are.
everything that shines in all its glory, only does so because it has a reason to shine; a reason that was only discovered when hope was only a dim flicker of remembrance.
and this is why i call myself beautiful--not for my pain and heartbreak, but for His

pixelated

2007-06-13T18:54:00.000-07:00

rubbing sleep out of bleary eyes...
frustrated with squinting.
wishing for more than just clouds in the skies,
and hoping for more than just hinting.

now i see in the mirror but dimly...
then i shall see face to face;
now i know Him only partly,
but at the end of a long and arduous race
I will know Him as He knows me...fully

you are my sweetest downfall

2007-06-03T12:11:00.001-07:00

i split myself open and looked inside the other day.
i saw a little picture of you...just a vague impression of your face
somewhere deep inside of me..your lingering smile is the only thing i remember.

i've spent some time waiting now....living in limbo

beautiful

2007-05-12T16:55:00.000-07:00

you know i love you so....

its no coincidence that we fight over which baby picture belong to you, or which one belongs to me.
its something beautiful
its no coincidence that some of my clothes are in your closet and i'm wearing the necklace i found in your drawer.
both our eyes turn greener when we're mad, and
its no coincidence that i was there when you said my name for the very first time, or that i was at your side when you took your first step.
run now, run and watch your strides carry you towards tomorrow.

you will be strong and fast, and your steps will take you far.
when you tire, you will be borne up on eagles wings and He will hold you in the palm of His hand.
whatever you do will be blessed and when you smile, it will be a song for the flowers to sing in the summer evening breeze.
the sun shines brighter for you and when you go out at night, the man on the moon smiles back.
look at the stars--they're shining like your eyes do when you cry

a speck spoke here

2007-05-05T18:17:00.000-07:00

thoughts collide like thunder clouds
heavy with rain and lightning

thoughts take shape and show their form;
sometimes almost frightening

some thoughts elude and others suffocate
most oftentimes in prayer

reminding me that today i am a vapor,
and tomorrow nothing but air

hacking away most resolutely

2007-04-29T11:14:00.000-07:00

my joy is like a sword with a single-minded blade
doing battle in the tall grass.
smoke and ashes mingle with triumph; bringing the sweet smell of deep perfection.
the heat withers the leaves yet brings flowers to bloom outside their season,
and i stand here trembling...
my sweat dripping
my heart racing
i'm here to do battle on the side of joy.

red nail polish

2007-04-24T18:03:00.000-07:00

secretly curving your lips into a smile,
vacantly nodding off without dreaming,
looking at your hands and wondering what they are capable of,
they might be dirty and stained or they might be plump and wrinkled from too much time in the bathtub.
dont act like they dont belong to you, and you know damn well what you've done with them before.
yeah, you know damn well...
would you hold a hot coal in the palm of your hand?
would you pretend to cover your eyes, but peek through your fingers?
what will you hold within the grip of your fingers?

i've been seen pinching tightly with fingers wrapped to too many things i should have let go of, while others more important have eluded my glance...slipping away forever.

rinse and repeat

2007-04-16T14:07:00.000-07:00

in the splintering shadows, there lies a footprint,
not more than one for me to follow...just one to point the direction.

be enough for me
be enough for my hands so empty with only a ring on my finger.
be enough and resonate me.

blessed be your name...in spite of all, blessed be your name;
for there is no injustice worse than indifference to you.

Death Toll

2007-03-20T14:50:00.000-07:00

i heard a song the other day--
aching and melancholy;
the familar strain comforted and tore.
"...its so much worse when your words mean less than emptiness and life itself is just another simple point of view..."
my sweaty palms can only hold on so tight, and the ache in my throat speaks of tears held back.
Speak and i'll listen. cry and i'll come.
but only if you let me...

beautiful music is made in joy or tragedy
beautiful music finds the part of us in the cold, tired corner of our hearts
beautiful music is like the sound of souls conversing without the bounds of mortality and humanity...singing songs you and i could only dream of in our deepest sleep.

kissed me till the morning light

2007-03-14T16:00:00.000-07:00

like the familiar grip of a handshake,
with fingers tightly wrapping...
like a hand on the small of my back;
both leading me forward and comforting my trepidation.

you wonder why i'm so happy....you wonder at the source of my secret glee.
i tell you its true:
God has got me
got me good
all i had to do was give up.

i was walking like blind with my white cane out in front of me,
i was stumbling along with no thought but how to cope.
hope was as dreamlike as fairies and unicorns.

and then i felt His hand

dreamer

2007-03-10T19:28:00.000-08:00

it runs off my fingers like gold dust.
so precious and so easy to lose

i got to know what my breaking point is...

precious time and precious life: what a paradox i've found myself in. minutes run freely and pass without a care and life moves with a speed that only God can comprehend.
not even the golden days of summer with lazy afternoons can bring it back or slow it down.

bane

2007-03-02T19:38:00.000-08:00

city lights
street lights
shining in the rain

dark nights
frostbites
falling freezing rain

tired feet
tender hands
aching wheezing joints

try to sleep
and dream of lands
beyond my vision point

strong drink

2007-02-28T16:51:00.000-08:00

like a mercury martini with a leaden olive.
i look so hot when i drink this.
i feel so empty

won

2007-02-17T13:05:00.000-08:00

the kiss of God
is like oil on my head and honey on my lips.
like strong wine, it burns away my dross.
there is no shame for me here.
my incompleteness is made perfect only when He kisses me.

what hath God wrought?
he makes me perfect. no more, no less.
look at the work of His hands in me.
fragrant, i lie sleeping at His feet with a flower in my hand.
Just sleeping and dreaming a dream He gave me.

i didn't get here by climbing through the rabbit hole
or a beanstalk, or a ladder to heaven.
He came to me and kissed my dirty lips
He washed me and clothed me in the beauty of holiness.
i emote His presence and my eyes are shining now.

i made a daisy chain for him
He smiled and i loved Him.

like pewter and glass

2007-02-11T14:07:00.000-08:00

i saw a little girl laughing at the trees swaying in the wind. she was dancing with them, and they with her. her imagination is like glass and mine is like pewter. she sees things others can't.
she believes everything she hears
my compromise for knowledge is a clouded lense. i cant look over the rim of my glasses to see what color the sky is today.

thin

2007-02-10T14:49:00.000-08:00

there are days when i feel stretched thin.
even my shadow is wearing out.
my life is a slice of warm bread, and i've just enough butter to cover it.
not rich and lavish swirls of soft butter, but thinly scraped across my toast with a butterknife.

some hae meat and canna eat
and some wad eat that want it.
but we hae' meat, and we can eat,
Sae, let the Lord be thankit.
-Robert Burns

my imagination is like spandex

2007-01-30T19:07:00.000-08:00

yes....spandex. i delight in using nouns to describe intangible things.
once when i was younger, i imagined that i would be a ballerina....that dream progressed to a cowgirl, and then a famous singer, or an actress. i would dream of being a world-renouned musician.
today, i am none of these things. i am just still me, but older, wiser and more realistic. its not as fun being an adult as i ever imagined.
when i was little, my imagination was as wild as most dreams are...everyone has fantastic scenarios play out in their dreams. as i got older, my dream life and my imagination began to part ways i think.
i imagine other things now; most left unsaid except a wispered prayer in the ear of God. i wonder if it tickles Him.

contaminating fear

2007-01-28T14:05:00.000-08:00

like ink from a broken pen--its there, its everywhere. how did it get on me?

i hold my battle flag high--when the enemy is asleep. i talk of winning and other victorious deeds--while my enemy is on lunch break.
i wear the victors crown only to skulk in the shadows when the enemy approaches.
my white flag is tattered and worn from much use.
way too much use.
once i thought of leaving it behind, but i was too afraid. where would i be without my white flag?
dead, wounded or worse.
or, i might have won.

today i hold a new resolution before you. the resolution of the no flag strategy. its a daring scheme, its an iron-hearted plot. i just might die, i just might reign.......as victor

dissonating relationships

2007-01-21T11:50:00.000-08:00

which is worse:
not knowing if you're gone, or not noticing when you leave?
i was so preoccupied with everything, that i just assumed you'd overlook me ignoring you.
you say,
"Excuse me",
and i say,
"Yeah, justa sec--i'm kinda busy right now".
your magnificence overwhelms me to the point of stubbornness. i can't possbly accept my own apology to you.
this is why pennance was invented.
this is why we give up on you--not because you've failed us, but because we've failed you.

disheveled and friendly

2007-01-20T13:12:00.000-08:00

the other day i had a de ja vu.
I was me and you were you
holding hands, we were ready
ready to live and love and to discover life
you were young, so was i
we were blatantly unafraid of standing tall
unafraid to protest this box around us and live on the hilltops
lets not allow our satisfaction with the status quo to start out rusty and
become brighter with yesterdays use.
lets dream of bringing the time that slips away to justice,
and finding out what happens when the shadow on the looking glass passes.

my fingers hurt

2007-01-08T15:38:00.000-08:00

today i had a visit from God.
our laughter was like a dandelion in a field of green grass.
people were laughing and running about...stepping on me, and it didn't matter.
i wanted to dance with you but i was afraid that you would see it differently...that you would cringe at my insupordination and freedom.

whenever i think about my life, i want to know why i'm not satisfied, and then i want to sit down and have a good cry till everything starts to make sense again.

i used to think a sunrise was for everyone...come to realize that only a few see it and know what it is.

i remember you like yesterday

2007-01-06T18:36:00.000-08:00

everyone on tv is so pretty.
so blind.

why the world is round

2006-12-19T14:04:00.000-08:00

i discovered you yesterday
lying under that tree. you were happy and you were foolish with that lovely apple in your hand.
i saw the bite you took out of that fresh perfect fruit
i also saw that you shared it with your lover, and now your sorrow shall be doubled.
your redemption comes in death and pain and sacrifice now.
gone are the idylic days of your never-ending youth, and gone is your naked purity.

you saw me and you cried as you hid in the shade of your tree...i cried too, and my tears were a mist in the garden.
i gave you a gift and you still asked for more, but not from me.
yesterday's yesterday found us side by side and hand in hand as we walked together at then end of each day...you would bring the sweetest smile to my face, and you in turn, would find yourself alive more than life itself.

the door here will be ever blocked by my anger and righteousness, because you have fallen, and you can't hide that from me. i have seen it and now i cannot allow you to continue in this harmony. cover yourself so that no one can see your nakedness as you leave this place.

now you know the power and mystery of your free will. now you understand what i meant when i told you to use it wisely. now you have the chance to choose me.

choose me, and someday i will bring you back to my garden.

people suprise me

2006-12-18T13:42:00.000-08:00

take my pen and break it.
anger, destruction and sadness are a stronger ink than red.
they run swift and far; not caring of their course and always certain of their destination.
they do not tell me what it is...
the dirty secret of my pen

the first one

2006-12-17T13:13:00.000-08:00

it gives the everyman a place to author themselves to an unknown vast audience. i like this. do you like me? do i care......sadly yes. i think people write blogs for recognition of their deeper selves, and find some solace when strangers find them more intelligent or wise than they are thought to be in real life. we live so shallowly next to eachother, each of us not knowing our neighbors in their true deep selves.